Celebrating Life: Practical Suggestions for Helping You Deal with Grief

Part of our ability to celebrate life is derived from an awareness and acknowledgement of our own mortality. Death is one of life’s few certainties; despite this fact, we are often not prepared for its impact. People can respond to the grief that results from death in a variety of ways including denial, anger and profound sadness. This article, which has been adapted from the work of an unknown author, will provide you with some practical suggestions for helping you to deal with what you might be feeling as you cope with the loss of a spouse, parent, family member, friend or colleague.

Be patient and gentle with yourself

Pace yourself. Go slow.
Your body, mind and heart need rest and time to mend.
Hold off taking on new responsibilities right away.
Keep decision making to a minimum if possible.
Resist the urge to compare yourself to other people dealing with grief.
Throw away ideas of the right amount of time or the right way to mourn.
If you are having trouble concentrating, make a list of the things you need or want to do and try to accomplish one thing a day

Ask for and accept help

Accept help and support when offered from family and friends.
Do ask for help from people you trust when you need it.
Know that it’s ok to need comfort.
Take time to sort out your thoughts and feelings but continue to allow the people closest to you in.

Accept your feelings

Allow yourself to feel what you feel. You don’t choose your emotions, they choose you. The emotions of a survivor can be raw. It is very important to let these feelings out. Share what you are feeling with a supportive friend or relative as you need to.
Know that it’s ok to cry. Crying often brings some relief and can make you feel better.
Know that it’s ok to feel angry. Don’t push it away. Let it go. It will take more time and energy in the long run if you try to suppress it.
Thinking that you are going crazy can be a normal reaction. You are not losing your mind but rather reacting to the death.
Know that those experiencing grief can also experience depression. If your depression becomes severe, get professional help immediately.
You may start to experience physical problems that might be linked to your emotional reaction to death. These problems are real and need to be checked out by your doctor.

Lean into the pain

Go with the pain you are feeling. You cannot outrun it. Instead, go through it and feel the force of the pain to move beyond it.
Allow yourself time to grieve. Resist throwing yourself into your work and other activities to keep you from grieving.
Realize that using alcohol or prescription drugs won’t end your pain, they only mask it or numb it temporarily.
Reach out to a therapist, minister or doctor to help you deal with your pain.

Be good to yourself

You may wish to keep a journal. It can help you understand what you are feeling and thinking.
Strive to get enough rest – reduce your use of caffeinated drinks
Remember to eat balanced meals – nutrition is important.
If certain dates, holidays or celebrations are especially difficult for you – schedule activities that you find comforting.
Read books on grief. They can help you understand what you are going through and suggest other helpful ways to cope.
Spend time outside in the fresh air. Feel the sun on your face. It can do wonders for lifting your spirits.
Spend time with family and friends. Your loved ones would not want you to feel guilty about having a good time or being happy. They would want you to live your life.
Plan things to look forward to – such as lunch or an outing with a friend
Surround yourself with quotes or pictures that make you feel good or that you find helpful. Keep them where you can see them.
When you feel ready, broaden your interests. Write a list of things you have always wanted to try or rediscover. Try them! Rediscover them!

Article submitted by Sandy Saczkowski, MSW, RSW, Meka Solutions. For information on Sandy’s services please contact her by email.

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